She Read: State of the Union: 4/9/14

On my other blog, my State of the Union posts are like life updates. Since I'm not really writing over there at present, I thought I might start posting things on here every once in awhile. I'll also quite fond of lists, so you'll probably find a lot of those in these posts. It keeps my thoughts more concise and better able to stay away from tangents. My mind is one constant tangent, sometimes. :)

1. I'm finally breaking out of the semi-deep depression I've been in since about October. Could it be SAD? Could it have been the trauma anniversary I get triggered by every Oct/Nov? Could it be the night terrors that started in Dec? Could it be all of the above? Probably. The good news is that it's lifting. Hopefully it will continue to do so.

2. Speaking to a lawyer today about something. Anxious to see what she has to say. I know I won't get a lot of answers today, but having an opinion will be helpful.

3. Finally have our (my bf D and my) money situation figured out, although I actually have to send the money out to the accounts. That HAS to be done today or tomorrow. Mental Note.

4. MUST do city taxes for myself and parents tonight. MUST. NOT. FORGET.

5. I am going to NYC next Friday through the Monday after Easter!!!! SUPER excited! I'm attending my first writing workshop ever on Sat & Sun. I also plan to hang out with my theatre friends, possibly see a Broadway show (I was a musical theatre major), and then visit one of my cancer kids' families. Unfortunately, I don't get to meet the actual kid, because she's now an angel. Angel Ila Jean "Bean." (I fundraise for kids with Neuroblastoma - a childhood cancer. I'm excited about the trip, but I do need to figure out if I'm staying free with friends or if I need to book a hotel (um, ASAP!)

6. Feeling a bit nervous and not good enough for the writing workshop. There are only 10 of us in the workshop and I know everyone else is going to be a seasoned writer. Although I've always wanted to be a writer since age 3, I've had no formal training. At the beginning of the year, it was my year's goal to get a first draft down of my memoir. Now I'm not so sure that's wise. Gah. It's so hard to make decisions!

7. I just got an email from the musical team that I work with each summer. We put on a musical in town and I choreograph. I'm hoping to either do Carousel or Bye Bye Birdie (they promised me a dancing show this year after 2 years of non-dancing ones)!

8. Online Photos - It seems that everyone loves taking photos of themselves and posting them online. So many people are comfortable with their faces, hair, bodies, skin, etc and I'm jealous of that. Women of all shapes, sizes, ethnicities, backgrounds etc are proud of who they are, and I'm still cowering over here in a corner, surviving with only old photos when I need to use one for something. Below is the newest photo of me (I'm the redhead) taken 2 winters ago. I seriously avoid cameras. I feel ugly, uncomfortable in my body, like I'm in the wrong skin. I know this ultimately has to do with PTSD from the traumas I've survived, but it still sucks. I guess I should work on this in counseling or something. That and the topic of physical intimacy. Things aren't good for me in that department either (nor for my bf lol). Gah. I HATE PTSD!

TO DO LIST (or reminder for Vi):
1. Taxes
2. Book a hotel if not staying with friends
3. Pay bills